Hope

It's a good thing I didn't make a New Year's resolution to blog more! That one would have failed already. Seems life has been pretty quiet, getting back to work and all, with nothing really to blog about.

I've been going to the gym or walking on most days. I'm trying trying trying to make and eat tasty food with proper nutrition but not too much of it. That's hard. The woman who was my personal trainer two summers ago urges me to eat five small meals a day, or at least to put some protein into light between-meal snacks. I've stopped with the peanut butter sandwich at lunch (which usually made me feel bloated anyway) and added a small spoon of PB to mid-morning carrot time. It's a start. ("I will make fresh hummus.")

I still have a long way to go on my weight. The last few pounds above the weight you want are the most difficult to lose. And the only way to make this work is a long-term commitment to better habits.

I'm proud of one small thing I did even before the end of last year—I knocked the pile of mail down to nothing! If you had seen the pile, you'd know this was not really a small thing at all. I have now resolved not to let mail pile up again, and certainly to deal with important mail (not just the fun stuff) with dispatch.

I've read a few articles already about how 2012 is going to be a year of change. I don't know about the world, but I've been feeling a change in me that started a couple months ago (see, I told you my year starts at a different time).

For a time, I had to focus inwardly, out of necessity. I had to deal with some issues. It wasn't that I never looked outward—I did some volunteering and plenty of socializing—but my needs had to come first. Now that's all behind me, and I feel that I need a new orientation. I always take care of myself, but I feel that my focus needs to be more outward.

Playing music is part of that. Playing music is making me happy, but it's also about working with other musicians and, we hope, playing in front of people. If we can agree on a name, I think we can call it a band. That's exciting! It's been 25 or so years since I played a real gig, and I'm loving the possibility of the grannies rocking out in public.

I'm helping to organize this year's Ladies Rock Camp Vancouver. Since I will be volunteer coordinator, if you are local and you know me, you might well hear from me. The first camp went well, and we want to make this one even better! Of course, as well as volunteers, we'll also need women who want to tap into their inner rock goddess. Having been through the process as a participant, I can say that it's a wonderful experience.

Even though I don't seem to be getting laid off yet, the possibility of doing a fashion marketing or culinary arts program is making me feel hopeful—hopeful that there will be life after so many years of high tech. And by the time I have to make a decision, perhaps there will be other possibilities. After I'm done with Ladies Rock Camp, I'm hoping to volunteer at our local hospital. Volunteer gigs can often open you to new ideas.

It all feels hopeful to me. Hope is a word that swam into my head during my ritual a couple weeks ago. It's not a word that I had thought about much before. It's not about "hoping to goodness." It's about feeling that there are possibilities and opportunities. But I have to be ready for them, and I have to say "yes" when an opportunity arises that's right for me. I feel that I can do that now.