There's a fine, fine line

As a Wiccan-of-a-sort, I follow the changing seasons and the cycles of the moon. Lunar cycles especially give me little two-week chunks of time to keep track of, as the moon first waxes to full than wanes to new. Having a dose of attention deficit, I find thinking of two weeks at a time to be helpful. If I'm ever asked in a job interview where I see myself in five years, I'll have to make something up.

I don't really think my own life waxes and wanes with the moon. Or do I? As scientifically minded as I am, sometimes I wonder about that. Last Tuesday night, I had a wonderful celebration of Lammas, also known as Lughnasadh, the early harvest celebration. The following night, I celebrated the full moon and the goddess and gave thanks for the previous two weeks.

Since then, as the moon entered its waning period, I seem to have stumbled a few times. I pressed "send" when I should not have (although that turned out OK because the recipient is a wonderful person). I'm not very happy with yesterday's blog post. Not one of my best efforts—a bit muddled and perhaps off the mark, one of those "working through things" posts. I had a kind of partial Pride weekend, a somewhat lonely Pride weekend. I wish I had done a few things differently (regrets are deadly). On the other hand, I'm quite happy with a song I wrote on Saturday. When my insides are collapsing, maybe I should stick to writing songs, not blog posts.

But here I am anyway. I know it's not the waning moon. But it's kind of amazing how brain chemicals can shift so quickly, how quickly I can cross the fine line. How does that happen? Why does it happen? Is it my fault? Is it something I can't help? Is it both? I have so much good in my life, so much going for me, that I feel guilty for feeling bad, as though I shouldn't be allowed to feel this way. I know it's not severe. I know I'll come through it soon. But I don't like it while it's with me.

I have things to do today. I'm going to have to force myself to get off this chair and start doing them and and not to go back to bed, which is where I really want to be. The sun is shining brightly again today, but my brain seems to be a waning moon.


Fashionable Pinay in Vancouver said...

It's interesting to hear your style of setting goals. I have a friend who recently mentioned that she prefers short-term as opposed to long term goals because she thinks that they are more achievable than long term ones. I on the other hand love my long term goals and have recently revised my 2 year and 5 year goals. I've done short term ones and the challenge is for me to achieve what I planned and live my life to the fullest. :-P :-) Don't worry about feeling guilty. It's what makes us human..... It will pass.

Véronique said...

You're much younger than I am. Long-term goals make more sense. :) But I do have long(ish)-term goals, just not really five years. More like two, since I should finish school in 2014. In five years I might well be thinking of retirement. :)

Anji said...

My goals are usually no further ahead than the same day at the moment.

I had never heard of the moon being such an influence before I came to France. When my children were at Ecole maternelle one of the minders told me that children wet the bed more at certain phases of the moon (like the tides!). Having three children, I had plenty of opportunities to observe that it was true.