I'm good at going about disguised as a normal person. I've practised it all my life. It's been a strategy for making life less difficult, and it works well. Few perceive what lies beneath. I don't like not being real. I'm always ready to bring the real, but only one person has ever put up with that for long (and for that I am supremely grateful).
I have always been somewhere between liking that I'm weird and wishing that I weren't. Judging by my relationships with others, it's not a particularly appealing or endearing weirdness. It's a lonely weirdness. I have a lot of acquaintances, but deep friendships are another story.
I don't know why I am the way I am. I am the product of many things—my genes, my French-Canadian-New-England culture, my peculiar parents, my peculiar siblings, my peers, my small town upbringing, and the numerous experiences I've had since I left home. Now I know there was also attention deficit and the ways I coped with it. Everyone has their own combination of ingredients. Some recipes are successful. Some not so much.
It would be nice to be able to fully embrace my weirdness. Why be normal? Without the weirdness, I wouldn't be me. Even though not being me sometimes seems like an appealing prospect, I am and shall remain me. I can change a lot of things about myself, but plenty of it is baked in. So I have to go with my weirdness, for better or worse, even though most people will only ever see the normal person disguise.
I have always been somewhere between liking that I'm weird and wishing that I weren't. Judging by my relationships with others, it's not a particularly appealing or endearing weirdness. It's a lonely weirdness. I have a lot of acquaintances, but deep friendships are another story.
I don't know why I am the way I am. I am the product of many things—my genes, my French-Canadian-New-England culture, my peculiar parents, my peculiar siblings, my peers, my small town upbringing, and the numerous experiences I've had since I left home. Now I know there was also attention deficit and the ways I coped with it. Everyone has their own combination of ingredients. Some recipes are successful. Some not so much.
It would be nice to be able to fully embrace my weirdness. Why be normal? Without the weirdness, I wouldn't be me. Even though not being me sometimes seems like an appealing prospect, I am and shall remain me. I can change a lot of things about myself, but plenty of it is baked in. So I have to go with my weirdness, for better or worse, even though most people will only ever see the normal person disguise.
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